Saturday, December 31, 2016

The Relief

This whole year has been a quite roller coaster ride for me, excitedly.

When I first wrote my first post in 2016 as a wake up call, I think, yes, it was kind of true. I'm very grateful that I've experienced such a W O N D E R F U L year, full of blessings and (good) surprises. I was clueless at first, but this young-rebellious soul that I got inside me, baby, is now understanding the essence of being human. And that life, is so great. That life, is a chance of everything. That life, is meant to be appreciated. That life, is a bridge to another. That life, is worth.

This year leads me to many kinds of things. I met many kinds of people. And about many kinds of things and people, I learned. It was magical, a bit whimsical, kinda like a dream that came true. Ups and downs that I've faced are valuable, every hellos and goodbyes that I've met are diamonds. Memories, from new experiences and opportunities I got. This year has taught me lots of things: family, friendship, love, education, career, etc. I'm (finally) waking up.

One thing as a hit of the year:
Nothing can beat a full heart of kindness.

Kindness, for me, is everything. It is hard to be kind anytime to anyone, but I got a sticky note inside me that always reminded that kindness are free and for everybody. There's no people in this world that don't deserve kindness. I'm practicing being kind instead of right. To let go of the negative thoughts that haunted (especially to some people and some new things) and bring out kindness to the whole new level. Kindness feels like magic, an act of beauty.

Beautiful memories have created. By appreciating the little things and showing more gratitude, every step I took this 2016 are all sunshine and rainbows. When I met monsters in the midst of the journey, I acknowledged and beat 'em with some fresh inspirations. Embracing the journey also one of a thing, how I celebrated everything with joy and set aside every sadness that came. Beside the sense of losing that I felt earlier this month, this year, I feel content. 

Another thing that best described 2016 is the relief. Guess I'm not a religious person since my religious practice just far from perfect, but I'm kind of a spiritual one. I dearly believed that The Greatest of them all, God, has prepared everything that is happening perfectly. Well, all are the best one we could ever receive. I have faith in it. There is one Surah of the Quran that says it all:

The Relief (QS 94)
Did We not expand for you, (O Muhammad), your breast?
And We removed from you your burden
Which had weighed upon your back
And raised high for your repute.
For indeed, with hardship (will be) ease.
Indeed, with hardship (will be) ease.
So when you have finished (your duties), then stand up (for worship).
And to your Lord direct (your) longing.

From the Surah I always remembered, any kind of hardship and difficulties will follow with ease. There would always be a way out. Or if I can rephrase it, there would (also) might work the other way. And it keeps me going.

To everyone that contributed in the construction of myself in 2016: Thank you.

Let 2017 be the year of care - to take your life into your own hands.

"I am a flower that blooms silently,
because a flower doesn't think of competing with other flowers,
it just blooms"

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

The Sense of Losing

Hilang

Langit memayungi tubuh rentan yang berbalut kain gelap
Aku bisa melihat, setiap peluh yang jatuh
Dari tangan-tangan dengan urat yang berlomba 'tuk terlihat,
berayun melambai
Ataukah terabai?

Gelisah menjadi palung serupa benteng penutup diri
Sengatan yang dirasa sejak pagi, sangat jemawa,
layaknya lakon paling amis di kota

Kemelaratan yang merambah tanpa ampun
Memecahkan cahaya-cahaya paradoks
di sudut gang sebelah mana
Mungkin juga dangau?
Tempat aku menyimpan indra-indra tak bernyawa

Kutemukan awam mulai banyak jemu
Balam mata mencari kedatangan yang tak sudi dan pilu

Siapa telah berbisik padaku:
Hilang adalah titik temu

----------------------------------

Been thinking about losing lately. The feeling haunts me and I admit, it's not good, at all. At the same time, it triggers me to make the most out of life because life itself, is once in a lifetime experience. Or is it just the effect of being in the last month of the year? December, are you so attached to some kind of, ending?

Monday, December 12, 2016

Sincerely

So,

I bumped into a post on Instagram this morning and it came up with an interesting caption quoted from Dale Carnegie, "Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely".

Lately, almost everyone told me that they're at a point where they feel like they didn't maximize themselves in what they've been doing. I listened to them, while analyzing how come everyone feels the same feeling at the same time. Or is it just a stage that will hit anyone in the odd semester? I understand because I've been feeling it, thank Goodness now I can handle (Here's a tip: I listened to True Colors performed by Justin Timberlake and Anna Kendrick for the movie Trolls, so serene, and it helps).

Oh, Carnegie said it right. I believed each person in our life meant to be something important and take a part of the construction that build us. Each person has a special space in our heart and no one will take it. Each person has a role. As much as possible, I encouraged everyone whose telling me their stories that they're important, not explicit, I prefer to metaphor it in words and actions. I'm not just listening to their stories, but I enjoyed knowing and understanding them in person. Everyone is unique in their own way, you're so different that you're irreplaceable. 

You are important; Every eye I stared, every hand I hold.

It's okay to be uncertain, like Birdy has said, "life can be unkind, but only sometimes", dear. So, don't give up before you start. Every single thing you do, it's a form of gratefulness, so better always do your best.

Be human who radiates love.

Cheers,

Gendis.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

The Truth

November's healing.



If I could quote from CafĂ© Society, November feels like "Very pretty, but a bit melancholy." I already in way too deep and I didn't think that I should give any signs. I'm not wondering, but I am waiting to finally take action to show and trust that I'm at the same point of what you looking for. And yes, there are some questions you don't wanna know the answers, so instead of finding it out, you left it hanging. I want to convince myself to perceive every single thing as blessings, rather than questioning. I believed that I can grant by something I never imagined gaining because, you know, God is the kindest one.

The truth is people never expect silence, so I remain silent.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Mata yang Memeluk
















Matamu merasuk tanpa mengetuk

Kamu melantunkan rasa segala
Sambil mencecap Timur yang memancar seketika

Ditemani puntung serupa merta jiwa
Aku tak seangin pun berpaling,
hanya tengadah melirik langit

Aku sibuk menanam, jangan kamu petik
Namun, kupersilakan kamu 'tuk beri pupuk
Sampai aku tak lagi kuncup
Merekah dan mewarnaimu

Selayang taman Firdaus
Sejuk membayang narasimu
Dalam sunyi yang aku kenang sendiri,
dengan nyanyian alamanda putih

Yang berdiam saat bulan menjelang:
Kamu tak perlu merajuk,
aku sudah terlanjur memeluk.

Friday, November 11, 2016

What a Week

The title of this post says it all. I've live this whole week so... unexpectedly. There were some random things, mood swings on the period, and just a bit shocked to my dear self. The emptiness of I-don't-know-what has troubled me lately. The thought of being disappear approached, but no, I cannot. I was kind of excited, but exhausted at the same time. Deadline keeps haunting, tasks going crazy. Little things also decorated my mind. I'm bedazzled with anxiety. I feel like I'm in a rush, there's something inside me running fast from head to toe, driving me nuts to do things unusual. Hopefully I can manage myself survive swimming in a pool of honey poison. 



I asked the wind, how should I be? And the clouds just staring, giggling with the sky as bright as you in the shade of blue. The wind didn't answer, but pray. It's natural, humans' feelings, all things happened for reasons. I'm (trying) enjoying the journey, hey! Everyday I get myself a good luck, to win something important. I'm having conversations with the character I live, every second of my life. I'm out of my cave and go running, wilding, get growing.

Do you like to count the ants in your mind? It stings a bit, but good to sharpen your counting skills. How many faces you've met? What kind of tornado you've been dealing with? Are you satisfied by the earth? Does the sun and the moon brighten up your day? But don't ever try to count what you got in life, you can't. You received a lot. We should've known from the beginning.

Inhale, exhale. 

Especially yesterday, yesterday's very unexpected. It was day 183.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

I'm a Mermaid

People often hear with their eyes. Though their ears are wide open, or their heart. Maybe there's clouds hiding and blocking out the way. Well, that's maybe.


I questioned so much lately. I just feel like I wanna know everything and it's actually kinda strange. I'm such a Miss-Wanna-Know-It-All and it drives me to become more and more curious about what life will treat me. Too many surprises and I don't know if I can handle it or not. Probably, I'll just masquerade like a chameleon that change its color based on the situations to adapted. I need to make my focus sharpens and don't let negativity bothers me.

One of the questions I got in my list is this thought: When some writings that goes viral said that our attitudes will be based on how they (people) treated us, I disagree. I don't think that's ok. Why should we do that? We shall just do good to one another. We treated people the way they deserved to be treated, and people should be treated nicely. I know it's hard, especially when there's someone who's treated us as badly as it shouldn't be, but we don't know what kind of thunder he/ she has suffered, so just be kind. We shouldn't be blinded by things we don't like. We're not a chick, aren't we?


A. R. Lucas, a writer from America, has said what I screamed, intelligence is what I attracted to. Outsmart me, make me feel like I can learn with you and grow with you. If you do that, then you can have me forever. Fun isn't it? To encourage each other in intelligence, crafted the attention of ours. Oh people, yes please.

It's raining cats and dogs, but there must be a rainbow after all. Everyday is a brand new future. Why don't we make the most everyday? I realized things, and I learned. What matter most of you likely will guide you to be more... clever? I thought that's what should be. But whenever we're uninspired, we tend to be more clever too, unconsciously. We'll start looking for something to feed our exhausted soul and thirsty mind. Basically, that's what humans do. Don't you? We're just some hungry creatures.

It's just some of my random thoughts of the day, mind me. And to everyone that I talked with today, be happy and have time to celebrate your passionate life, you deserves the world. It's your passion, your way. Time is not here to be wasted so be wise. 

Cheers,

Gendis.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Bitten

Hi!

What's more soothing than a warm hug in a blurry day? Stress is no good at all, self-love is what I got for my self-hate right now. College life game strong and I'm stunned. The midterm test is kind of a hit, thank Goodness I could handle. And the statistics were just very frustrating, oh well, I have never been good in any mathematical subject. Never thought that the fifth semester would be this... hard. It's like someone has slapped me in the face and said, "Tada! Welcome to the jungle, dear." That's why I took a lot of solo trip or going out with friends in this semester just because I'm starting a bit fed up.


On point

Oh so right

Last week I went to Jakarta 32C at Gudang Sarinah with a friend and found this ordinary writing. I just feel like it is so true, the cycle of happiness is actually when you can learn, work things out, and share it with others. Simple yet meaningful. You know, we always forget, or we just remember things that we liked. So, sometimes we need to be woken up by our surroundings, to see more clearly, to think up more rational. At the same time, we could have a little fun.


Play and have cheer of your life like a little kid with no probs. Feed the emptiness of our heart with a touch of childish soul because we can. 

For every sweats and tears

And parents' love. The never ending one, from a couple of special souls that God had sent to us. "Sudah makan belum?", "Ayah kangen.", "Ibu masak enakcepat pulang.", simple questions like that will always have a place in my heart. Nothing can beat that. Nothing in this world. 

Today's the last day of my midterm week, so I went to Pekan Raya Indonesia with some friends. But today was not so great, statistics and investor relations in one day, can you imagine? And also I got my favorite tumbler broke. Yes, I did break it and I can't be more sad than this because this tumbler has become my company since high school. Little things did bother me. When I ask oh why, life answer, "Why not?" Okay, alright.

Life's pinch me hard and I made a fruit punch instead of begging. A twist here and there, drains me in a river of real struggle. I know I can make it ahead. 

Oh! Tomorrow's the day of Sumpah Pemuda in Indonesia, let's be the best version of ourselves youngsters :)

Blurry picture with my real ones

Ok bye now!

Cheers,

Gendis.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Oh Darling

Rain comes and sweep off the fears. A puddle of hopes that I found earlier started to show off. Blushing cheeks, also at heart because your kick. Night and the wind compromise to become a cheerleader to the nuance. Breezy love, empty glass, full shots of conversations. I glance at you, who's captivated me. Time seems to stop, trying to understand what's going on under the warm shades. I'm dealing with a portrait of a fictional character that exists in a human body. Wait, are you real?


Darling, I'm flying. Oh, but when I suddenly fall, would you like to catch?

And I forgot to ask you.

You won't spread your wings, so don't ask me to fly. Naive is what you're facing. Honesty is a diamond ring. Explanations extinct. Keeping someone hanging is not a thing. The words you're raised may take me out of the world, and what you did as an action is contrary. Don't grow your plant in a place that should be buried since the truth reveal. It's nonsense, and hurt, whatsoever. 

I ain't about to play no games and all is pseudo. I am just being human.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

A Gem in a Railroad Tie


Once I met a flower, that blooms silently in a room full of smoke. The flower spread fragrance that seems so familiar in my olfactory vocabulary. A night blooming jasmine, a bit of freesia, a touch of wild flowers in Caribbean Island, with a decent sweet vanilla. It blurs in the air, intangible tangible kind of thing that will always make you wonder, is it here? 

Then I saw the flower swings, it dances. The flower follows the wind that asks it to play, but a butterfly came into the room and resting on the petals of the flower as it told the flower to just stay. It's like, the butterfly has hypnotized the flower. The butterfly made some promises, convinced the flower to believe. And the flower believed. 

But you know what? The butterfly didn't mean it. The butterfly actually resting on the petals of the flower to catch a beautiful butterfly next door. The one with sparkling wings, dazzling patterns, very stand out compared to other butterflies. The butterfly flew away, with the beautiful butterfly that I mentioned, and become a lovely duo. All the warm conversations and a little laugh that the flower and the butterfly did are just an illusion. Promises, remaining as something that's been forgotten and breaks everything. The flower should be known from the beginning, that a flower would never become a butterfly. The butterfly is not its match. 

Days pass, the flower still blooms silently, in a more graceful way than before. The hope of becoming a butterfly will never subside, though it will always be a daydreaming. The flower still thinking about the butterflies that become a perfect couple since that historic day, Thursday night as the flower can remember. The flower didn't even care about its feelings that is hurt anymore because all the flower can feel is that, the butterfly is a good and kind creature that will always melt its heart. The flower prays everyday and night, wishing to be free from the mantra of the butterfly that still haunts, and never leave. 

The flower stands still, never been picked by anyone, and became a portrait of an independent soul. 

Artwork by Katie Daisy

I give my respect for the big heart, for the strong commitment, for the love of being in love, that the flower always preserve. The flower is on the threshold of a mesmerizing life coming in the door. Knock, knock.. 

Even though I salute the flower, there's something that still makes me confused and wondering. How can I differentiate the feeling between love and admiration then? Or is it lust? When it's simply about, how I swam into your words, I dove in your soul for the finding of what you call the one, and I kept it that way even if I'm not the one. 

I know you're a gem in a railroad tie and I'm glad you've found your love. 

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Commitment

Commitment is rare, said Dee.

Yes, I agree, even if you declare yourself as the most principle beings living on this earth. Because I've learned about commitment from someone I know, the one that always been adored. Commitment is crucial. It's an engagement, the state when you're truly dedicated. Many aspects in life that need commitment. Though, it is very tricky to keep one, especially when you're in between. How you manage your commitment, not just verbal, but practical. The phenomenon is, human tend to change. And the changes (it can be anything), I think, tend to wobble commitment. A wobbly soul will end up with no commitment. 

Then why is it important to commit?

Well, I believed that commitment is a reflection of our faith in something. It's an act of good will. Keeping up with your commitment would be harder than keeping up with the Kardashians, but your commitment would worth every penny. I give my respect 100% to those who stand for their commitment. 

It may cause bias since it's a very general public opinion of mine, but I let you think freely of what commitment means to you. For now, all I can say is that I commit through my prayers.

Cheers,

Gendis.