The Truth

November's healing.

If I could quote from Café Society, November feels like "Very pretty, but a bit melancholy." I already in way too deep and I didn't think that I should give any signs. I'm not wondering, but I am waiting to finally take action to show and trust that I'm at the same point of what you looking for. And yes, there are some questions you don't wanna know the answers, so instead of finding it out, you left it hanging. I want to convince myself to perceive every single thing as blessings, rather than questioning. I believed that I can grant by something I never imagined gaining because, you know, God is the kindest one.

The truth is people never expect silence, so I remain silent.

Mata yang Memeluk

Matamu merasuk tanpa mengetuk

Kamu melantunkan rasa segala
Sambil mencecap Timur yang memancar seketika

Ditemani puntung serupa merta jiwa
Aku tak seangin pun berpaling,
hanya tengadah melirik langit

Aku sibuk menanam, jangan kamu petik
Namun, kupersilakan kamu 'tuk beri pupuk
Sampai aku tak lagi kuncup
Merekah dan mewarnaimu

Selayang taman Firdaus
Sejuk membayang narasimu
Dalam sunyi yang aku kenang sendiri,
dengan nyanyian alamanda putih

Yang berdiam saat bulan menjelang:
Kamu tak perlu merajuk,
aku sudah terlanjur memeluk.

What a Week

The title of this post says it all. I've live this whole week so... unexpectedly. There were some random things, mood swings on the period, and just a bit shocked to my dear self. The emptiness of I-don't-know-what has troubled me lately. The thought of being disappear approached, but no, I cannot. I was kind of excited, but exhausted at the same time. Deadline keeps haunting, tasks going crazy. Little things also decorated my mind. I'm bedazzled with anxiety. I feel like I'm in a rush, there's something inside me running fast from head to toe, driving me nuts to do things unusual. Hopefully I can manage myself survive swimming in a pool of honey poison. 

It's Dallas Clayton

I asked the wind, how should I be? And the clouds just staring, giggling with the sky as bright as you in the shade of blue. The wind didn't answer, but pray. It's natural, humans' feelings, all things happened for reasons. I'm (trying) enjoying the journey, hey! Everyday I get myself a good luck, to win something important. I'm having conversations with the character I live, every second of my life. I'm out of my cave and go running, wilding, get growing.

Do you like to count the ants in your mind? It stings a bit, but good to sharpen your counting skills. How many faces you've met? What kind of tornado you've been dealing with? Are you satisfied by the earth? Does the sun and the moon brighten up your day? But don't ever try to count what you got in life, you can't. You received a lot. We should've known from the beginning.

Inhale, exhale. 

Especially yesterday, yesterday's very unexpected. It was day 183.