Saturation Point

I actually fly on the wall and that is what makes me really need an explanation for what I see, what I hear. I feel like everyone's staring at me in the eye and saying lots of things I don't remember. I'm not in the mood of doing anything. I'm such a fool, I know. I just... I'm not focusing. Lately, everything that is happening distract me in a bad way, I can't control myself. I can't control my emotion to be more calm. Though, I realized that this time, is the important time I should pay more attention. I couldn't deny that I'm a lazy little monkey, but I can be a very hard worker like I'm running out of money. Yeah but this time, there's nothing I can hang on to, no one. 

Until I see the sky. Sky's so blue, sun's so bright. It looks so dreamy to look at the sky for a while, forget about anything, anyhow. Then I close my eyes, start imagining a fun thing. I play on the edge of the rainbow, filling my mouth with a lot of marshmallows. Seeing a bird singing on the apple tree and hearing my grandma yelling me to come in to a candy house because she's making a blueberry pie. I'm so darn happy. Kidding. I seriously have to get through that dream because a bee stings my soul.

I need to wake up from the drama I make my own. Life's not a fairytale, it's an evil world. I can't just chill, rely on my everyone's shoulder. I definitely have to WAKE UP. Turn this evil in me to a fairy godmother. So, I can stand in my own. The heck with all the barriers because I was born to be a winner. God trusts me so that people give trust in me, I just need to trust myself that I can. This whole thing I'm working on will definitely pay off, someday, somehow. Sometimes, life's unfair, until you recognize how lucky you are to be alive here, in the world. I'm lucky.

At times, it is hard to keep me motivated, like I'm not ready for everyday challenges. Life goes up and down, but you know what? I'm a survivor. I might be struggling in the way to my success, exhausted in the middle of the journey, but I'm not gonna exit. I'm not a quitter. Past may not be changed, but I can always change my future. And it is all starts from now.

Dear me, I know you will read this again by the time running, you just have to remember to don't give up and always give the best out of yourself :)

Cheers,

Gendis.