Living Life

Hello! 

I often ask myself about how I ended up being who I really am now. A lot of things happened lately, well, actually all the things that happened in my life create this version of me. I am a wallflower who interested in many things, kinda wishy washy, and love to eat, a lot. Hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner. For real. No, wait. I like to sing too, and to shop (Who doesn't, by the way?). When people meet me for the first time, they might think that I really am a full-time loner who are a little bit not friendly. I actually just don't know how to hang with you guys straightaway because I am an awkward person. Of course, I'd love to try to be like anyone else who are very easy to associate, with new people and I'm just gonna say like, "Don't be afraid, I won't bite you!" thingy. Enough. That is all about me.

What I actually want to share in this first post on my blog is the power of being a dreamer with a strong believe and the spirit of a fighter. We all can dream something, anything. I dream about a perfect happy family, a complete one. I know it can’t be realized now because I’m just a broken home kid. No, I don’t blame my parents for this to happen, not anyone else, and not myself. It's just something that helps me to build a strong feeling to believe. Believe in something that may be hard to be realized, but not impossible. Being a kid of a divorced parent is not easy, I admit. Even though, I once think that I supported my parents to separate because I don’t think their marriage went well after years and their relationship just not right, after it happened for real I feel like… What just am I thinking about? I know they separated for good, but it is not something that I expected that time. As a 14 year old teenage girl I was so labile back in that day and also freak-out to facing the truth. So, years by years, after life slapped me so hard right in my face, I finally woke up from my sleep and ready for facing life. My eyes and heart are finally opened. I’m alive. Life gives me the best present of being patient and heartfelt.

My dream is to have a perfect happy family. I don’t want my future children to feel the same feeling as what I’ve felt back then. To have a wonderful husband who love and accept me for who I really am, my good and my bad, the pain of the past, my background, my parents. To build a beautiful marriage, sakinah, mawaddah, rahmah marriage with faith. To give birth to salih and salihah children. A wonderful family in God’s cope. I dream this dream to prove my parents, though they are not a good role model, I don’t want to make the same mistake as they did. I want to make them proud of me and be happy. For the hope of my teenage dream and their prayer. I believe I will make it happen and I know it will. I believe in myself, in God, in nature. Nothing can beat that faith, I keep it in my heart. Someone who believes, literally in everything, is someone who is real. Believe will give you strength to do anything you want, even your biggest fear. I believe I can do this, I believe I can make this, I believe I can be this, you have to believe. We all have to. 

Then what is the point of having dreams and believe it gonna happen if you don’t fight for it? We are all born as a fighter. How much a fighter can be, it depends on how we sharpen our skills to fight for our dream, we have to polish the spirit of a fighter inside ours. Don’t be easy to give up, give the best of you to embrace the good. A true fighter is someone who can be the best version of his/herself. We are born as a spark, to be ourselves. We can’t let down our parents to deal with life, our dreams, and believes in vain. Work for it! 

I’m in the beginning of my last teen year now, I’m 19. I’m surely not a good motivator, if you think this is just a bullshit, it’s okay. At least, this is not a bullshit for me. Oh! And one more important thing, appreciate all things, nice and bad, because it will give you respect and esteem. Definitely boost your mood up to be a better, and better, and better person.

It is very emotional for me to write this, but I’m happy with it. I’m happy to accept me for everything that I’ve been through and just keep being me. Love yourself, be humble, and surround yourself with good vibes. Life has been so beautiful, might not perfect, but definitely a perfect experience and process of learning. Just like what Cinderella’s mom said in the movie (Cinderella, 2015), “Have courage and be kind.” 

So, here is my first blog post that I dedicated to all the dreamers, the believers, and the fighters out there. Good luck in everything and have a good sip of coffee :)

Cheers,

Gendis.