My Bundle of Joy

Hi!

It's a beautiful day! I made a time to finally meet my chairmate in high school, Anka! I also met up with Dessy. We were hanging out in the mall nearby my campus and having lunch at the foodcourt. I got Bakmi Gajah Mada, while Anka and Dessy are eating KFC. We talked a lot. Anka told us about her life being a dentistry student, living alone without parents, and her eating habit that didn't even change since high school, ayam goreng and anything deep fried as long as they are chicken, beef, egg, tempeh, or tofu.

From left to right: Anka, me, Dessy.

We also watched Inside Out! The new Pixar movie. It was a great movie telling us about anything relate to emotion inside ours. After out from the cinema, Dessy and I agree that Anka is the sadness, because one of the dialogue in the movie, "I'm too sad to walk..." Lol, just kidding Anka. You guys should watch Inside Out, too! The movie sparks a dialogue around emotions and remind us that all emotions count. It is a worth to watch the movie, for sure.

It has been 1 year I didn't meet Anka, Anka is still the most awkward person I know, lol. Other than that, she is literally real, she needs no drama at all in her life. She managed herself well to be comfortable even when she's alone. I worship her for that. What I see her now, she needs more confidence in her soul. I don't know, she has to get up and starts facing the real life. I think it can be fun if she joining some activities in her college, make friends with more people, and doing good stuff that definitely will help her build up the character in herself. I know she got the power to conquer the world, deep inside her heart. It's just not shown up. I wish her a good life in the university, to be a diligent student and gain experience as a young adult. So, she can make a good career and be a better Anka. And one more thing, to eat healthy food and usual Indonesian food like other Indonesian eats, Anka, you better start liking fruit and veggies and also siomay, mi ayam, soto, etc! :P

As a closing, here I got a portrait of me and Anka when we had a yearbook photo shoot last year.

Sorry for the bad quality photo.

Bonus a throwback photo with my high school friends before we are studying in different places. I miss you girls, I wish I can turn back time for a good time.

From left to right: Alya, Anka, me, Dessy, Muthia, Ais.

Cheers,

Gendis.

Saturation Point

I actually fly on the wall and that is what makes me really need an explanation for what I see, what I hear. I feel like everyone's staring at me in the eye and saying lots of things I don't remember. I'm not in the mood of doing anything. I'm such a fool, I know. I just... I'm not focusing. Lately, everything that is happening distract me in a bad way, I can't control myself. I can't control my emotion to be more calm. Though, I realized that this time, is the important time I should pay more attention. I couldn't deny that I'm a lazy little monkey, but I can be a very hard worker like I'm running out of money. Yeah but this time, there's nothing I can hang on to, no one. 

Until I see the sky. Sky's so blue, sun's so bright. It looks so dreamy to look at the sky for a while, forget about anything, anyhow. Then I close my eyes, start imagining a fun thing. I play on the edge of the rainbow, filling my mouth with a lot of marshmallows. Seeing a bird singing on the apple tree and hearing my grandma yelling me to come in to a candy house because she's making a blueberry pie. I'm so darn happy. Kidding. I seriously have to get through that dream because a bee stings my soul.

I need to wake up from the drama I make my own. Life's not a fairytale, it's an evil world. I can't just chill, rely on my everyone's shoulder. I definitely have to WAKE UP. Turn this evil in me to a fairy godmother. So, I can stand in my own. The heck with all the barriers because I was born to be a winner. God trusts me so that people give trust in me, I just need to trust myself that I can. This whole thing I'm working on will definitely pay off, someday, somehow. Sometimes, life's unfair, until you recognize how lucky you are to be alive here, in the world. I'm lucky.

At times, it is hard to keep me motivated, like I'm not ready for everyday challenges. Life goes up and down, but you know what? I'm a survivor. I might be struggling in the way to my success, exhausted in the middle of the journey, but I'm not gonna exit. I'm not a quitter. Past may not be changed, but I can always change my future. And it is all starts from now.

Dear me, I know you will read this again by the time running, you just have to remember to don't give up and always give the best out of yourself :)

Cheers,

Gendis. 

Wednesday Afternoon

I was sitting in front of a happy couple. They laughed so hard, like trying to tell everyone they're meant to be a lover. I was sitting in front of the couple, alone. My mind flowing in the air asking about a job, to think anything. Eyes were rolling, but looking at them. Butterfly smiles, tree swings. They caught me in the eyes, I left. I carried a diary in my hand, holding it like it is His hand. Tears falling, I don't mind. And I heard a voice, ringing loud in my ear. The one keeps telling, "Don't look back."

Meeting High School Mates

Hello!

Yesterday, I met my high school girlfriends at the newest lifestyle mall in Tangerang, which is the Maxxbox in Lippo Village, Karawaci. They're Dessy, Ais, Nadya, Muthia, and Tewe. I'm the one who came earlier and starving for some good food. We've been managing to have lunch at the Food Mart Primo, it's like a food court with many varieties of foods, from Indonesian to Western food.

When I came to Maxxbox, my eyes caught a healthy cold-pressed juice stall and dying to try one. It's Rejuve and they offer me some nice discount for buying 3 juices. The juice itself tastes great and very refreshing, I love it! You should try their cold-pressed juice. Instead of juices, they also sell some smoothies and nut milk, such as cashew and almond milk. I tried the Asian Green (Spinach, cucumber, pineapple, apple), Classic Green (Kale, cucumber, mint, pineapple), and U Glow (Carrot, orange, pineapple). From the 3 juices I bought, I love Asian Green the most. You should try it too!

Then I took two tables for 6 of us and asking for the menu. I started looking at the menu and pick a meal for my lunch. I ordered Prime Beef Roast with mashed potatoes and BBQ sauce. It was very delicious! Yum.

A moment after my meal came, Muthia, Nadya, and Tewe come and followed by Ais and Dessy. They ordered their lunch straightaway because I already eat my lunch before, lol. We're talking about an hour, from our activities on the campus and also some random things. Nadya went to University of Pelita Harapan majoring in International Relations, Ais majoring in Visual Communication Design, Muthia goes to the Medical School, Tewe just got accepted at the university in Bandung majoring in Pharmacy, while Dessy is in the same university as me and we're both majoring in Communication Science. It was good to meet them all, finally, after a long time struggle being a freshman. They all make some differences from the look and also the personality, but I still like them anyway. We may grow in different direction, but we will always have each other's back.

We finished our lunch and heading to the mall across the street which is Supermall Karawaci to make our prayer and about to watch a movie in the cinema. We were watching Fantastic Four and it was a fantastic movie because it makes me feel fantastic like four superheroes in the movie, jk.

Nadya bought a pizza for her mom and brother at home, also a shampoo at The Body Shop. While Muthia and Ais got some case for their iPhone. It was a fun time, really, spending time with them. Here's a photo of 5 of us, Dessy left earlier because she went home by public transportation, taken by the Mr. Security.

From left to right: Tewe, Muthia, Me, Nadya, Ais.

Sorry for the bad quality photo.

I wish I can spend time with my girls more often and doing some fun things. 

Cheers,

Gendis.

Living Life

Hello! 

I often ask myself about how I ended up being who I really am now. A lot of things happened lately, well, actually all the things that happened in my life create this version of me. I am a wallflower who interested in many things, kinda wishy washy, and love to eat, a lot. Hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner. For real. No, wait. I like to sing too, and to shop (Who doesn't, by the way?). When people meet me for the first time, they might think that I really am a full-time loner who are a little bit not friendly. I actually just don't know how to hang with you guys straightaway because I am an awkward person. Of course, I'd love to try to be like anyone else who are very easy to associate, with new people and I'm just gonna say like, "Don't be afraid, I won't bite you!" thingy. Enough. That is all about me.

What I actually want to share in this first post on my blog is the power of being a dreamer with a strong believe and the spirit of a fighter. We all can dream something, anything. I dream about a perfect happy family, a complete one. I know it can’t be realized now because I’m just a broken home kid. No, I don’t blame my parents for this to happen, not anyone else, and not myself. It's just something that helps me to build a strong feeling to believe. Believe in something that may be hard to be realized, but not impossible. Being a kid of a divorced parent is not easy, I admit. Even though, I once think that I supported my parents to separate because I don’t think their marriage went well after years and their relationship just not right, after it happened for real I feel like… What just am I thinking about? I know they separated for good, but it is not something that I expected that time. As a 14 year old teenage girl I was so labile back in that day and also freak-out to facing the truth. So, years by years, after life slapped me so hard right in my face, I finally woke up from my sleep and ready for facing life. My eyes and heart are finally opened. I’m alive. Life gives me the best present of being patient and heartfelt.

My dream is to have a perfect happy family. I don’t want my future children to feel the same feeling as what I’ve felt back then. To have a wonderful husband who love and accept me for who I really am, my good and my bad, the pain of the past, my background, my parents. To build a beautiful marriage, sakinah, mawaddah, rahmah marriage with faith. To give birth to salih and salihah children. A wonderful family in God’s cope. I dream this dream to prove my parents, though they are not a good role model, I don’t want to make the same mistake as they did. I want to make them proud of me and be happy. For the hope of my teenage dream and their prayer. I believe I will make it happen and I know it will. I believe in myself, in God, in nature. Nothing can beat that faith, I keep it in my heart. Someone who believes, literally in everything, is someone who is real. Believe will give you strength to do anything you want, even your biggest fear. I believe I can do this, I believe I can make this, I believe I can be this, you have to believe. We all have to. 

Then what is the point of having dreams and believe it gonna happen if you don’t fight for it? We are all born as a fighter. How much a fighter can be, it depends on how we sharpen our skills to fight for our dream, we have to polish the spirit of a fighter inside ours. Don’t be easy to give up, give the best of you to embrace the good. A true fighter is someone who can be the best version of his/herself. We are born as a spark, to be ourselves. We can’t let down our parents to deal with life, our dreams, and believes in vain. Work for it! 

I’m in the beginning of my last teen year now, I’m 19. I’m surely not a good motivator, if you think this is just a bullshit, it’s okay. At least, this is not a bullshit for me. Oh! And one more important thing, appreciate all things, nice and bad, because it will give you respect and esteem. Definitely boost your mood up to be a better, and better, and better person.

It is very emotional for me to write this, but I’m happy with it. I’m happy to accept me for everything that I’ve been through and just keep being me. Love yourself, be humble, and surround yourself with good vibes. Life has been so beautiful, might not perfect, but definitely a perfect experience and process of learning. Just like what Cinderella’s mom said in the movie (Cinderella, 2015), “Have courage and be kind.” 

So, here is my first blog post that I dedicated to all the dreamers, the believers, and the fighters out there. Good luck in everything and have a good sip of coffee :)

Cheers,

Gendis.