Eid Al-Fitr in the City of Rain

Hi!

First thing first, here's a bonus photo to start this post: a big bowl of Bakso Pak Jangkung! Pak Jangkung used to selling meatballs around my dad's neighborhood (one of my favorite childhood memory) and now he already got his own stall in a shophouse. I couldn't be more happier! Yeya!

This year, I chose to spend my Eid Al-Fitr with Ayah, my dad. Which means, it was the first time I have to celebrate Eid Al-Fitr without Ibu, my mom, beside me. Well, it was kinda bizarre. Ibu called me every second to make sure I'm okay and told me she found it hard to sleep when there's no me beside her, and did the opposite when I'm next to her. Weirdly, Ayah felt and did the same thing as my mom so I concluded that I'm such a sleeping pill for them. How to be fair as their daughter? I can't be torn up, that's for sure.

What I got since I step my foot in Ayah's house is that I'm still a daddy's little girl. He still treats me like I'm a little girl, maybe he forgot that I already got number two in front of my age. He pinches my cheeks, he plays with my hair, he hugs me like a teddy bear. He still calls me with "Brot" thingy (refer to something cute in his vocabulary) and what I miss about my dad is that he also calls me Adis, instead of Gendis. Adis is my childhood name (used to be Adis Dos lol), what I know is that was Megawati's (Soekarno's daughter) nickname in her house, and she was my dad's client back then so he came up to call me with the same name.

But at the same time, I see that he is trying to involved with my world and letting me involved in his world as well. He started asking me when will I have a boyfriend (cliché, well Ayah, you should read my previous post, "Where is My Benji?" lol), what am I doing on campus, what I like to do in my spare time. I'm not blaming him like asking why don't you know because I literally realized that he lost about 5 years of his parenting life as my dad. 

Towards the middle of the night before Eid, he asked me to watch some videos then we discussed it. Actually the topic was totally random like about the mystical place in Majalengka that people who believed in Kedjawen liked to go there, the golden age of Islam, things that will come up before the apocalypse, until he closed our chit chat with a funny video to laugh at. I'm happy that he became more open to me, he wants to listen to his daughter's thought and opinion, which is good because he started to set aside his ego in front of me.

And on Eid, we went to his mom's house a.k.a my grandma which I finally met after this past six years didn't touchdown this rainy city. All the way to her house, Ayah was telling me his feelings as an old man, how he survived with his mind and soul this past year. I know it was hard to be him, but c'mon dude, let's just be happy and grateful because I can see a little of himself being so negative with life. I believe he still got his lovely spirit to spark out of his heart, he just don't want to admit that life's cruel and we as human should live it as it is. He complicates things, that is what never been changed from him since I know him at the first time. 

After his relief, he asked me to accompany him to the doctor for checking up his health. And I think that time was a way of God's help to tell Ayah the answer of all his sadness. His doctor is an Indian man (which I forgot his names, uh) and he wakes my dad up with his simple yet meaningful philosophy.

He said, "Despite of putting yourself with negative vibes that will make your health even worse and only causing stress on you, trying to cooling down yourself in your solitude. In Hindu, you meditate to heal yourself, empty your mind, don't even try to think anything. After that, you set yourself that you're not the body, you're not even the mind, so you're not a body and a mind. Then you will ask yourself who you are. And in that time, you'll realize that you are you and you got God inside you."

What he sump up from his statement was that we have to be grateful and sincere in everything that happened in our life, embrace our ups and downs with a gentle soul, also always remember that we should not hang on to human because we got God inside us. You should see my dad's face that time like what the doctor said to him was literally on point and get in straight to his soul. I can see his health problems are all caused by himself, especially his mind. He put himself into the stress river that will flow him to be desperate, oh please don't do it, Ayah.

You know, my father-daughter relationship with Ayah is an awkward one. Despite of that, I'm glad that I can conquer my selfishness to sincerely give my Dad a piece of me as his daughter after calming myself out for a month in the holy month, Ramadhan. 

Cheers,

Gendis.